You grow up with me, I’ll stay with you till old

“Fathers and daughters have a special bond.

She is always daddy’s little girl.”

By Richard L. Ratliff

Maybe you are not a good person, you are easy to hold grudges, and you are not a magnanimous person at all; you dare to do anything outrageous, and you have no scruples at all. Because you have a bad temper, you are easy to impetuous, and you are always easy to offend people.

Since I was young, people around me always said that I was like you. I don’t want to be like you. Because I really didn’t see what compliment this was.

However, such you, as early as someday 20 years ago, from the moment you kissed my forehead, had already taken root in my heart. I never miss you deliberately, and I will never forget.

When you were 26 years old that year, when you were still confused about life, when you still had nothing, you were glad to meet the most important woman in your life. Under your relentless pursuit, finally have a wedding photo. At that time, you were young and handsome, hugging the beautiful bride with full of happiness.

When I was two years old, you were 28 years old, and the profession of “father” changed you a lot. You began to learn to work hard to earn money to support your family, racked your brains to start a business, slept in the street, and was despised. At that time, you still didn’t have a successful career, and I naturally became a left-behind child. I can’t understand a man who goes home once a year. The hugs you give me every time you go home will not make me miss, because in my eyes, only the toys and snacks you brought back can be remembered by me forever.

I was 11 years old, and you were 38 years old, and you hit me for the first and only time. I brought back the test papers with full of red crosses, I’m not even care, and I still watched the cartoon with relish. At that time, you were angry, tore the test paper to pieces, and slapped me severely. I covered my face, rushed into the room, and cried all afternoon. No matter how hard you knocked on the outside room’s door, but I was still ignoring you. At that time, it’s just because I totally don’t understand your good intentions. After a several moments, you smiled and said: “Dad is wrong! I promise I will never hit you again. Please forgive me, okay?” After that, you never hit me again.

When I was in junior high school, I was 15 years old, and you were 42 years old. No matter rain or shine, you must pick me up every weekend. I originally agreed with my friend to go to the same high school, but you firmly refused and very persistently let me go to another middle school. You were very patient and said to me: “Learning environment affects your future. I don’t want to let you take risks. Now you may not understand my thoughts. As time goes by, you can gradually understand my intentions.” Although I have Ten thousand were unwilling, but I did not let you down. As you wished, I entered the high school smoothly. You smiled happily and exchanged greetings with the teacher. I was sad to part ways with my friends. At that time, I must have resentment in my heart because I still didn’t understand you.

In 1998, I was 18 years old, and you were 45 years old. At this time, you can understand chemical equations, but you can’t help solving a question. You can read a few words but can’t tell the meaning. You cook for me by yourself every day. You tirelessly instilled chicken soup for my soul, but my grades were erratic, and I could see your anxiety. On the last day of the college entrance examination, when I stepped out of the examination room, you suddenly appeared in front of me and gave me a hug without asking anything. At that time, I couldn’t see your expression clearly, I just wanted to hug you tightly. When filling in the volunteers’ form, you said that “Medical Science” and “Teacher” are good, but I said that studying “Forestry” and “Chinese” is good. As a result, none of us convinced anyone.

This year I am 20 years old, you are 47 years old. I am far away from home, I have slowly got used to college life, but I don’t miss you often. As weekly practice, you will call me every other time. Tell me about the recent blood sugar drop, the phone number has been changed, and the driver’s license test has been completed. I will tell you that there are competitions and sports meet in the 4th grade examination recently. I will not tell you that I often sleep in at school, sometimes cry when I am wronged, I will only say it well, then you will feel at ease. But in fact, like father, like daughter. I always learn from you to report the good but not the bad.

Now I still can’t spoil like a baby in front of you, and I never said, “I LOVE YOU”. Every time I go home, I know that someone will always be waiting for me at the exit of the train station. I always beg you to make steam fish, and then I will praise you, you will accompany me to watch movie, I will stay at home obediently for a few days, and then I only will go out with friend after. You still have a bad temper, and sometimes mother will quarrel with you too. I will still be angry with you, and then every time I take the initiative to apologize.

Now you begin to take the initiative to listen to my opinions, no longer authoritarian and overbearing. I have been away from home to study for a while, but you still worried about me, because in your heart I will always be just a child.

I used to say that if one day, I can meet the right person, I will go with him to the ends of the earth. You said you were sad, and at that time I complained that you didn’t understand romance. Later, when I watched a father handover his daughter to another man at the wedding scene, you just said: “I have guarded my daughter for so many years, you must not let her be wronged. If one day you no longer love her, please remember to inform me to fetch her back home. Thank you! Remember that you two must be happy forever.” As a bride, I began to burst into tears, and at that moment, I understood that in this world, the love of my parents will never be repaid. No matter who you meet, no one will tolerate you more unconditionally and love you than their parents.

I have written a lot of articles about you, but I can’t write well all the time, and I don’t know how to write even gorgeous words. I’m a lazy and stupid person who can’t do anything well, but I’ve been spoiled by you for so many years. I don’t have many dreams in my life, in addition to constantly disappointing you and liking to fight against you, I also don’t bring you much pride.

The love of the previous life is deep and shallow, and the flesh and blood of this life are connected. I cannot participate in your first half of your life, but I will accompany you to the end for the second half of your life. Maybe in 5 or 10 years I will grow up slowly, I will get married and have children, and you will grow old slowly, but I will work hard to be a happy person, let you rest assured, and make you happy forever.

Daddy, you grow up with me, I’ll stay with you till old. I LOVE YOU DADDY!

“Appreciate your parents. You never know what sacrifices they went through for you.”      

– always love your parent –

Father’s sad tears

Father’s love is a deep love and an indispensable responsibility. Father’s love has no thoughtful and warm words, no constant nagging in the ear, and no gentleness that accompanies me day and night. But my father has always given me a mountain of support and a kind of peace of mind all the time.

No one can replace whose role in someone’s life, even if I grow up, even if I have a lover who will spend my life together, even if I have a child, even… But no one can replace the love of my father in my life, No one can give the peace of mind that my father gave.

In my mind, my father has always been like an omnipotent tree of life. In the spring of life, he gave me colorful fantasy. In the summer of life, he gave me down-to-earth growth. In the autumn of life, he gave me his maturity spring and autumn. In the winter of life, he gave me calm contemplation.

On the road of growth, he gave me a kind of courage called brave. For a long time, in my mind, he is an immortal strong, a pronoun of strictness, and a symbol of strongest.

My father always took me shopping when I was young, he always holding my little hand in his warm big hand, so warm, so at ease. We talked and laughed as we walked, my father was so young and I was so little, but the scene was indeed so beautiful, which remains fresh in my memory.

When i started when to middle school, every school opening day and holiday, no matter rain or shine, dad will still ride his lovely motorbike to fetch me back home. At that time, I felt that everything was what he should do, and I enjoyed it for granted. Now I understand that there is no waiting in my father’s love. Only my father is reluctant to let me wait, he will always arrive earlier than me no matter when and where.

I graduated and didn’t go to university. For a while, I always had tumultuous with my father because I didn’t understand why he wouldn’t let me go out to work. He always said: “It’s too cold, wait until the weather is warm next year only plan for it”. Again, he said: “You are too naive, naive until feel bit silly”. He also said: “How comfortable is at home, don’t worry! Your father, me, there is extra pocket money for you to spend“. At that time, I felt that my father was so outdated and verbose. Now I understand that only in my father’s love, there is nothing to do more but to pay without asking for anything in return. Only my father is reluctant to let me face society and reality too early. He always hopes that he can hold me in his warm palms forever and protect me, and never let go.

I have always lived in a loving family, especially my father has always protected me very well. Really, with him, no matter where I am, I feel full sense of security and ease.

I am married, have my own home, and have my own lover. I clearly remember that I had a C-section that night and gave birth to my son. When I was pushed out of the operating room, I instinctively said: “Dad, I’m pain”. After this incident, my husband was always jealous and said: “Why didn’t you tell me? Aren’t I important in your heart”? But that is an instinct, and now I understand that no one can replace someone’s role in someone’s life. Husband’s love cannot replace father’s love. It should be said that no one can replace father’s love.

Father’s love will not make people the feeling of missing, father’s love also will not make people the feeling emptiness, but his love is already going deep into the bone marrow and is everywhere.

No matter how many years it is the suffering of life, or our rebellion. Whether it is the torture of disease, or the test of the environment. There are all kinds of states in the world, and there are all kinds of flavors in life. My father always walked calmly and faced calmly. I never saw him lower his head, bend over his waist, and never saw his tears.

What a good father, I always thought that God would care for him, and he would enjoy his family in his old age. But………………….

A car accident took away my only brother and my father’s only son. I saw my father that night, he did not shed tears. He just sat on the sofa stupidly, staring straight at me. Repeated a sentence: “You said, why is your brother’s life so short”? Suddenly, his father’s back was hunched, his hair turned white, and his face lost the high spirits look.

My father has always wanted to take my brother’s body home for a few days, but due to our custom, if the parents are still alive, and the child’s body is not allow entering the house. At that moment, my father cried, and tears were dropping uncontrollable. His tears fell on my heart, like a thousand pounds of stone pressing my heart. My heart really pains! Only for a few days, dad keep losing weight and keep getting old. God, you are too cruel!

What I never thought of was that my father was stronger than I thought. He endured his grief and began to work and began to continue my brother’s unfinished work and mission. In order to continue the spirit of his deceased son, he also installed my brother’s mobile phone card in his mobile phone.

I pray that god will always bless my father and make him safe and healthy. I always said: “Dad, don’t worry, I am also very strong, I will always be by your side”. Dad, have you forgotten? Your daughter is an intimate little padded jacket. In front of me is peace, in the back is happiness, auspicious is the collar, wishful is the sleeve, and happiness is the button. No matter where you are, I will always be with you, I love you daddy”.

I am the daughter of my father, my palm retains the warmth of my father, the passion of the father flows in my blood, and the fortitude of the father is inherited in my eyes. Therefore, I will work hard, I will be strong, and be a better version of myself.

Just because I don’t want to see my father’s sad tears again!

“I can no longer see you with my eyes and touch you with my hands, but I will always feel you in my heart.”

– Dad who misses his son

“Guys always think tears are a sign of weakness. They’re a sign of FRUSTRATION. She’s only crying so she won’t cut your throat in your sleep. So make nice and be grateful.”

By Donna Barr

The epidemic Coronavirus disease (COVID-19) has made me do a lot of regrets, and it will be a lesson I will never forget in my life.

In July 2021, a black month and a broken family month to my family, the daily cases of coronavirus disease (COVID-19) are on the rise, and the government’s epidemic prevention measures seem to have failed. My father really cannot coexist with the virus. He failed to overcome the torture of the virus, and finally gave up the fight. Maybe this is the best choice for dad!

A real story which happen in Malaysia.

In the past, we were sitting in front of the TV with Dad watching the news, discussing the epidemic together, and saying to Dad: “Dad, you see that so many people pass away every day, it’s really scary”.

He just didn’t expect that one day he would become one of the death tolls.

Before dad be a COVID-19 patient, he insisted go to wet market to sell fish every day. He used to get up at 3am in the morning, and even getting earlier and sooner. Dad always mention, during this pandemic, many people are jobless and trying to find alternative way to earn money for their own and family, hence fish seller are increase and if late he must buy expensive fish for sell.

At the end of June, one of the staff from chicken department stall in the vegetable market was diagnosed with COVID-9, but sad the person in-charge refuse to inform all the seller immediately for next step. That selfish aunt eventually caused the elder brother who sells vegetables to die of COVID-19.

July 7th: We immediately took Dad to do PCR TEST. At that time, Dad’s result was negative, and our family members felt more at ease.

July 10th: There are people in one of the shopping centers was diagnosed with COVID-9 which is my mum working place. The company have arranged my mother to do PCR test and lucky the test result is also negative, so we can rest assured.

July 12th: Dad started to feel sick, fever and headache. My mum asking him to see doctor but dad refuse to go.

July 13th: At 8 o’clock in the morning, my father reluctantly decided to go to the doctor because he was sick, the high fever persisted and bone pain. The younger sister and mother also started to feel sick in the morning, low-temperature fever and dizziness. However, on the same day, my father and sister went to do the second PCR TEST, and the test result was positive. In the evening, my father started to be had hard breathe, also the second sister asked if he wanted to go to the hospital due my mother was worried that my father’s body would not be able to hold it. In addition, I saw on Facebook that the medical equipment, beds and others in the government hospital is already not enough to support for critical patient, some people must sit and wait. We don’t want my dad to sit and sleep in the hospital because my dad is already unwell, so in the end there is no arrangement for admission.

July 14th: Dad’s friend brought a lot of herbs to Dad. Dad’s feel much better after drinking it, and he didn’t pant. On the contrary, the younger sister’s condition look more worse, with fever, cough and vomiting.

July 15th: Dad cooked medicine and drank again, his condition suddenly deteriorated. Dad started to pant again. Dad’s blood oxygen index was only 88-89, because we had no medical knowledge and did not understand the importance of blood oxygen index. With this serious condition, we really regret did not send Dad to the hospital early for treatment until it became irreversible. In addition, also considering the situation at Klang General Hospital, no matter how much I want to take my father to the hospital, it has stopped. At that time, I saw my father panting, so I helped him get a massage. After the massage, my father felt much better and his breathing was much easier, but I didn’t know that my father’s symptoms were severe at the time already.

July 16th: After dad death, we noticed that he had sent a voice message to his friend, saying that he should really be dying this time. Dad said he was hungry and wanted to drink a glass of Milo, tried hard to walk to kitchen due he didn’t dare to disturb us because we were also infected. He always blamed himself at the time. Frankly speaking, we have not dared to send our father to a government hospital because we are afraid that our father will not be taken care of. In addition, our father cannot speak Malay and we cannot go to the hospital to take care of him. We are worried and helpless.

July 17th: Dad is not doing well all day, but he can still sit in his own seat in the living room. Our relatives have been giving a lot of suggestions, I was tempted, and will arrange dad for admission, but I still refuse to send my dad to Klang General Hospital. I plan to arrange my dad to go to other hospital for treatment the next day. In the middle of the night, my father’s coughing had getting worse with panting, and he couldn’t sleep. I also got up in the middle of the night to help my dad massage for the first round, he spit, and the sputum was bloodshot. After sleeping for a while, my father coughed and spit again, and the situation remained the same. I continued to massage my father until he fell asleep. However, I was getting more and more worried at the time. The oximeter was broken, and we could not measure Dad’s blood oxygen index. However, I had a very bad premonition, I knew that I would have to send him to hospital tomorrow. Having said that, our family members don’t have the basic knowledge that the coronavirus disease will cause the blood oxygen index to fall. We only know the basic conditions that can cause fever and cough. Really regrets for the late knowledge.

July 18th:The most disturbed and regrettable day! Originally, our family should get the first vaccine today, but we were diagnosed. My sister ‘s boss brought us an oximeter. Oh my god!! My dad’s blood oxygen index plummeted from 70+ to 60+. I am very scared and don’t know what should do for the next. So, I immediately asked my relatives for help, and they also borrowed an oxygen cylinder for us. Then we also arranged to purchase oxygen cylinders separately. Due to lack of oxygen, my father has begun to coma and can no longer speak. My sister and I called 999 and asked the medical staff to arrange for my father to be hospitalized.

I am very anxious and have been arranging many, many things. I already know that my father’s situation is incomparable to before. The ambulance came and the medical staff asked about our father. He has said terrible things, I have been sick for so many days, but I did not cry, even there are many things to be arranged at home, and I still dare not cry. But at this moment, I knew that maybe my dad condition is getting bad, and I really cried. The medical staff said that there are many patients in the hospital now. If medical equipment such as bed, oxygen cylinders and so on is not enough, they will choose to rescue patients who have a better chance of survival than critically ill patients. This means that my dad is likely to give up first aid. The medical staff also said that basically the current situation is that we want our family to choose to let our father leave home safely, so that our family can accompany my father to the end. If I choose to send my father to the hospital now, it is now the last side of our family. At that moment, our family’s hearts were broken. He let us choose, how should we choose?

Yes, we are decided to let the ambulance leave! I walked to the room, holding dad’s hand, and said, “Dad, don’t be afraid, nothing will happen, I will help you.” In fact, when I left the door of the room, my brain went blank, I didn’t know. What should I do, it’s that mean I can only ask my colleagues in the company for help? Correct, I really need my colleague helps. My colleague still suggested that I arrange for my dad to be hospitalized immediately. I said that the Klang General Hospital has notified that it may give up first aid. I can’t bear to take risks. I must let myself calm down quickly. My colleague said: “Let’s call different private hospitals separately! Please don’t think about the issue of money first and find a way to raise money after you find the hospital. At the same time, I very contradictory is my mother said our current family financial conditions simply cannot afford the expensive medical expenses. Private hospitals must pay a deposit before starting medical treatment service, and private hospitals have always told us that if we want our dad to be sent to the hospital, we must have a CAC certificate. What are you kidding? Dad’s condition is already so serious; how can he line up to CAC? There are so many people in CAC, and some people line up all day too, what should I do?

I am grateful to my colleague for selflessly helping me find a suitable hospital. After several hour, a private hospital recommended KL Hospital after knowing about our situation. I acted immediately and sent my father over…but he couldn’t walk at this time. The whole person is almost unconscious. I said to dad: “Please be brave dad, we will go to the hospital now.” Except for my dad, our family is all women. My sister and I let Dad sit in a chair, move it away little by little, then hold Dad and put him and the oxygen cylinder in the car. Fortunately, Dad arrived at the hospital safely. The front desk of the hospital collects information from us, he curiously asked us why we sent Dad over so late, because at that time dad’s blood oxygen index was only 28, which was terrible. I am very sad and sorry. Why do I have no in-depth understanding of what is Coronavirus disease (COVID-19)? How to self-rescue when facing an emergency? Why I never look the disease as dangerous sign? Why I’m so stubborn?

The doctor told me and my sister to wait in the quarantine area, because today is likely to be the last time, we saw Dad. From 8 to 10 in the evening, I kept thinking, the doctor hasn’t come out of the emergency room yet, does it mean that my dad is okay? Dad will get better, right? At about 10 o’clock in the evening, the doctor calmly told us: “Your father’s blood oxygen index has risen to more than 70-80. You all can also go home and rest. Don’t worry, he will be fine for the time being.” On the way back home, the hospital called to inquire more details again, and explaining that tomorrow should be able to transfer my father into the ICU ward. Fortunately, Dad persisted for us.

July 19th: My younger sister is still very worried about father’s condition, so she called to the hospital early in the morning to find out about father’s condition. Maybe the hospital hotline is too busy, exaggeratingly saying that after calling for a long time, she still couldn’t find the right department. But this did not make my sister give up, lucky star always with us, finally she manages asked my father’s number in the ICU ward and know about the progress of his father’s condition. My father’s condition has finally stabilized, and his blood oxygen index has reached 92. In order to let father, get a good rest and sleep, the doctor arranged for a nurse to infuse his father with sleeping fluid. Basically, he did not ask much information, but the doctor said that the next step is It depends on Dad’s own willpower. My sisters and I have been desperate for several nights, and today we are finally completely ill.

July 20th: Dad was awake on the 20th, but the doctor was worried that his father would feel constant pain and would pull the oxygen tube because of the intubation, so the doctor helped him to infuse him to rest and sleep.

July 21st-26th: We call the hospital every day and only get this reply: The situation is the same, there is no special progress. Gradually, I started to have an ominous premonition again, because in the past few days I have also checked and read a lot of information about new coronary pneumonia, and it also mentioned that if the patient cannot breathe on their own, the situation is very dangerous. At the same time, I also saw a report on Facebook introducing the symptoms of new coronary pneumonia and how the new coronary pneumonia virus damages the lungs and other body organs. I started to wonder if my father might choose to leave us. What can we do for Dad now?

July 27th: What will happen will happen eventually! The doctor has called and told us that we must be prepared. Dad’s condition is not very good. Dad relies too much on the ventilator. Now that the oxygen supply is increasing, his lungs are not taking in oxygen at all, which leads to a large loss of oxygen. When he was sent to the hospital, he had no problems with his heart and kidneys, but when he was sent to the hospital, bacteria kept attacking his lungs. Although it is close to the end of the quarantine area, the power of bacteria is still very strong. Today, his heart and kidneys have begun to weaken. Due to the lack of oxygen in the lungs, the heart will continue to supply oxygen to the lungs, leading to rapid failure. Fortunately, with the help of the medical staff, we still can see the father for the last time and talk to him by the way. We implore my father to take care of our mother with our sisters and promise that he will take good care of our mother. Our sister also said to dad: “Dad, if you are really tired, we hope you don’t be afraid. Follow the Buddha slowly, and the Buddha will take you to see your parents, our grandparents. In the next life, we will still choose you to be our dad, dad we love you”. After talking, my father had tears in the corners of his eyes, and his breathing began to weaken. We believe that Dad able to hear our voices. At this time, Dad’s blood oxygen index was 15-18, and we were mentally prepared ourselves.

July 28th: June 19th in the lunar calendar (the day of Guanyin Enlightenment), my father was very strong he waits until around 12 o’clock in the morning only leave us. Dad really loves us, he is afraid that we will stay up all night and wait for him, hence he chooses to leave at around 12 in the morning; Dad wants us to feel at ease, so he chooses to leave with Guanyin on June 19 of the lunar calendar, which is the day of Guanyin Enlightenment. In the morning, my younger sister and I ended our isolation. Both of us go to hospital helped my father handle the hospital checkout procedures and bring home dad’s relics.

July 29th: Cremation Day. That’s right if the deceased died of COVID-19, they must be cremated or buried immediately. So, Dad really left us today. Goodbye, dad, meet again in the next life.

Fortune Flower : This sophisticated bloom represents fertility, luxury, beauty, wealth and luck. They are also symbolic of abundance.

July 30: We went to the crematorium to collect the ashes of our father, carefully picked them into the ashes urn we selected, and then went to the funeral home to do simple merits and Dharma. After that, we took my father’s ashes home. The amazing is that the FORTUNE FLOWER that has not bloomed for 4 months suddenly bloomed. I don’t know if it’s an illusion or a dream, except for the first 7 days (Chinese dead of calendar for dad), I think my father also went home the next day. Maybe he wanted to wish me on “Happy Birthday” by the way.

July 31: After we finished the respect ceremony, meanwhile the “entry into the tower” ceremony (to place dad ashes urn in the tower) ended smoothly and my father was rest in peace.

Love letter from daughter to dad

Dear Daddy,

Thank you for everything, thank you for all the memories, thank you for being there when I needed you.

As my father, the best part about you is that you are much more than that. You are a comedian with the best jokes. You are a strong person with a strong personality. Somehow, you are a jack-of-all-trades and you still remember the names of all my stuffed animals. You are a five-star chef (steam fish expert), and you are a family hero. Most importantly, you are more than just a father. You are the best father a daughter can ask for.

I love you every day, miss you every day, and miss you every day. However, what I think most is how grateful I am to have your experience as a father, as a father, and as a friend.

However, all is left with memories, thank you dad for his selfless dedication, you will always in my mind.

From your lovely daughter

“It hurts to think that you are not here anymore. Although I can’t help but smile with tears in my eyes to think of how we cherished each and every moment of our lives together when you were alive. I miss you, dad”.