What do you mean by open marriage in life?

What is open marriage?

“Open marriage thus can be defined as a relationship in which the partners are committed to their own and to each other’s growth. It is an honest and open relationship of intimacy and self-disclosure based on the equal freedom and identity of both partners.
By Tristan Taormino

Open marriage is a casual lifestyle adopted by both spouses in dealing with sexual life after they get married, that is, their sexual life is arbitrary and does not restrict each other. This kind of marriage is similar to dancing between men and women. If you feel good, you will dance, and if you feel bad, you will go to different things and find your own.

Introduction

Before deciding on a more fixed partner, this kind of person usually skips with a few people. Where can they not practice their personal feelings? How to identify who is best without comparison? Such people generally don’t take marriage too seriously, let alone see it as immutable. Since they can get married, if they feel unhappy, they can of course get divorced.

Analyze

“Open marriage” or “partner marriage”——It is to break the exclusive rights of “monogamy” to the body and spirit, so that both body and spirit can be “shared”.

Open marriage is very popular nowadays. Many young people say that they can accept this form of marriage. It is a very avant-garde form of marriage. However, many small partners don’t know what open marriage is. Next, let me tell you.

First of all, open marriage refers to the spouses adopting a casual lifestyle in their sexual life after they get married. In simple terms, their sexual life is casual and not restricting each other. In vulgar terms, it means playing their own ways.

This kind of people generally don’t care much about marriage. They have a mentality of getting along and leaving if they can’t, and they are very casual. Strictly speaking, this is a sign of immaturity. Since two people have chosen to get married, they still have to take responsibility.

Open marriage, spiritually and emotionally, has enough freedom to develop one’s own personality. It can only be said that there are advantages and disadvantages. Under this new principle, everyone can freely develop their individuality and benefit from it.

But traditionally, it is better not to do this now. Because no matter from the family or morality, it is not certain. Especially in China, marriage is a matter for two families, and we cannot be too casual.

A psychologist told me that his experience of open marriage.

“What do the Chinese think about open marriage?”

When I went to a foreign country for professional training, a psychotherapist Peter suddenly asked me.

In a hotel in San Francisco, we were sitting by the pool, passing by young girls in bikinis from time to time.

He said: “My wife and I have an open marriage, and we have a ‘date night’ every week——I spend the night with my lover, and I will come back to communicate with each other the next day. But recently I have some troubles: a Chinese girl is with me. The time together is a bit longer.”

Peter is white, in his 50s, and still maintains an enviable figure.

“Where is the trouble?”

“I have changed several girls, and I can’t forget her. Are Chinese girls very infatuated?”

“Are you infatuated, or is she infatuated?”

“What do you think I should do?”

“We all learn psychology, maybe you should understand how to do it.”

“No, no, no!” He lifted his head in pain, waved to me, and walked to the girl across from the pool.

Which of the three types of open marriages has a good ending?

After so many years of consulting, I have met many fans of “open marriage”.

The results of it?

I haven’t heard of a good ending.

why?

You will know by analyzing it.

Active “open marriage”

“An open marriage is nature’s way of telling you that you need a divorce”
By Ann Landers

Peter and his wife are both players in love. When they were 35 years old, they met and found that they were in love with each other, so they wanted to try marriage.

It’s 5 years to try it, but Peter can’t try it now.

After he talked to me that day, he tried to hook up with a girl, and the other party had already thrown his arms, but he was suddenly dim, and he still wanted to chat with me.

“What do you mean, try marriage?” I asked him.

He said: “I can’t really love only one person, and I can’t be with one person for a long time. After I love, it’s all daily trivial and boring. I want a lot of fun, a lot of joy, a lot of exciting games, but marriage will be like circling a mustang … ”

“So, you agreed that although you are married, you don’t have to be loyal?”

“Our understanding of loyalty is more advanced: if we like other people, we will tell each other the first time and be transparent to each other.”

Peter’s wife comes from a family with a particularly strong religious tradition. When she was a child, she had to recite the Bible with her father for half an hour every night. Only if she memorized it word for word, she could go to bed.

When Peter was 3 years old, his parents divorced, and he grew up with his father. His first impression as a child was that in a smoke-filled room, his father and a group of people played guitar and sang all night long. Less than 10 years old, he was broken by one of his father’s girlfriends.

A person who hates a rigid life, a person who always lives in a high concentration of emotional stimulation, they all have their own demons.

Peter’s father died of drugs in the end, so he absolutely doesn’t touch it, but sex takes its place and can help him maintain this highly exciting life.

“You know, I’m so tired of these love games, but I don’t know how to stop. We have nothing to say now, and I long for someone to let me stop, take a break, and make me feel safe. So, I love more and more That Chinese girl, but I’m scared.”

“What are you afraid of?” I asked him.

“I’m afraid that if I need this person too much, she will completely control me.”

In fact, we have been working hard to do two things all our lives:

  1. Fight against the demons.
  2. Self-integration.

Peter’s life revolves around trauma. As a child, how can he not need a quiet and warm home?

But he didn’t have such a home, and he had to accept his father’s life, which was always high to the extreme, and only in this way would his father not despise him.

On the one hand, he agrees with happiness, but deep down in his heart, what he needs more is happiness.

What he needs most is a maternal environment, so that he can relax and perch, without so much stimulation to cover his sadness: I want to have a home, a small place, let me shelter, let me be myself.

Those who declared that they wanted an “open marriage” at the beginning were just afraid of deeper emotional links, so they used the development of “superficial” relationships as a fig leaf.

 Because they can’t face the demons, they will constantly put themselves in the game and self-anaesthesia.

Until one day, they can’t play anymore, and the other side of life will flip over——-they have to face a major choice:

Is it to start waking up, or to increase the dose of anaesthesia?

Passive ” Open Marriage”

Such a relationship is very common in Chinese-style marriage.

The general standard is like this:

  • The couple belong to the “model couple” in the eyes of everyone.
  • The two people talked about nothing and were very close.
  • Only have no sexual desire for each other. (Maybe there was at first, and then it got lighter and lighter)
  • Both parties and unilateral lovers outside marriage can satisfy their sexual desires, but they have no feelings.

Such a relationship can be maintained for a long time, but in the end, there will be a day of “breaking work”.

I asked one of the couples to imagine: in bed, how old are they?

The man said: “I am in bed, it seems that I am only 8 years old, and she seems to be my mother.”

The woman said: “I seem to be 18 years old in bed, and he seems to be a child.”

In short, in sex, they all have very depressive parts.

Unlike the first type of “sex game” “open marriage”, their approach is to put all the fear of intimacy in the “sex” world.

What are they afraid of?

The fear is the encounter of water and fire.

A man who had never been able to have sex with his wife told me that when he was 12 years old, once he was bullied by his classmates, he threw himself into his mother’s arms and instinctively sucked her breasts.

Suddenly, he heard his mother’s groan, and since then he has always hated her mother, and their relationship has ceased.

What is he afraid of?

Fear of his own desires, fear of having a relationship with his mother.

Because he couldn’t accept desire and wanted to connect with his mother at the same time, he had always contradicted himself in the intimate relationship, so he could only throw desire and intimacy to two people.

The wife he was looking for also happened to be a virgin woman. She had always been dressed very plainly, and it was almost impossible to realize that she was a charming woman.

Why “hide yourself”?

Because she deeply understands that as a child, after the mother’s derailment, it is shame to be blocked by the “enemy” and yelling at the door.

So they have all become victims of “sexual depression”.

They want to exclude the “dirty” of sex from intimacy, so that their world can not be destroyed and can always be safe.

But this separation of “sex” and “love” must be like a rubber band, and one day it will break if it is tight.

Once one of them has an “emotional link” with an extramarital lover, their relationship based on “fear” will fall apart.

“Fake” open marriage

“The husband cheated. He suggested that we have an ‘open marriage’.”

Many people will face such a scene.

The result?

There may be three types:

  1. The woman also tried to cheat, just to retaliate against her husband and try to see if her husband would be jealous.
  2. The woman also tried and found that the talent is the best, but in 80% of the cases, the other party is just playing, so the woman will lose love again.
  3. The woman also tried, but she wanted to transfer her emotions in this way, but found that it was a futile effort, and her heart still couldn’t tolerate others.

In fact, this kind of “open marriage” is just a repetition of the ancient “polygamy” system. It is difficult for the woman to be as “chic” as the man. The reason for accepting this “big house system” is only because she cannot do without this man and cannot give up. Marriage.

And after they tried, men often had the following three reactions:

  1. It doesn’t matter: He likes this kind of relationship with a very indifferent boundary.
  2. Be jealous: I can cheat, you can’t! The relationship gets worse.
  3. Happy: I finally caught your pigtail, so that my divorce will be easier.

What we need to open is our heart, not marriage.

In summary, we can draw a conclusion: “Open marriage” is not the “final version” of marriage, because its essence is the “low-match version” of intimacy.

There are two levels of marriage

The first level is “protective marriage”: protection marriage tries to adopt various “conservative treatments.”

  1. “Rationalization”: Marriage is all family affection at the end, so you can “bear hard”.
  2. “Drugization”: Since life is too dull, let derailment become our aphrodisiac.
  3. “Defensive”: Since the heart is really dangerous, dilute the relationship, even if the injury is not too deep.

The advantage is immediate results.

The disadvantage is the “marginal effect“. Although these temporary measures can save a moment, they cannot save the entire life.

Because no one wants hemiplegia, no one wants to contradict himself, no one wants to be chased by fear.

We all need inner peace and balance in life.

The second level is the “healing level marriage”.

  1. A truly powerful marriage can help us grow, let us repair the wounds of the past, and have a stronger self.

Many people settle down to realize self-growth only when “love is at an end.”

Some people are not so lucky, “walk all the way to the dark”.

The so-called “change your fate against the sky” is nothing more than whether you really have such a consciousness, stop and stop hitting the same stone.

What is the difference between LIKE and LOVE? Boy and girlfriend, please think carefully after reading.

There is an essential difference between like and love, but in real life, too many people confuse love with like.

Explained in the dictionary:

Like

The word like refers to love in general, and happy. To like is a feeling, including appreciation, admiration, love, and worship.

EXAMPLE : We like him because he’s funny. He is happy-go-lucky. When we are with him, we feel like laughing until we want to break our stomachs. But, we won’t miss him very much if we don’t see him for a week… (in other words: like to be directed to someone who can be a comedian to us. We will tell him to shut up if we want to break up…)

Love

Have deep feelings for people or things

EXAMPLE : We do expect him to be ours. Everything we do, if we can, I want him to know … and we probably don’t want to hurt him. We will always think about him. (In other words: love is directed to someone we always remember and dream .. Without him we will feel lonely and we love him wholeheartedly with a sincere heart even if he does not know)

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.”
― Pablo Neruda

LIKE” is not equal to “LOVE“. Someone likes flowers but she will pinch them back and place them in a vase to admire them; and those who love flowers will take care of them, protect them, love them, and spend time for them, so this is ” LOVE“.

In fact, people are the same, some people misunderstand likes and loves, and mistake likes for love. Personally, people like things that are beautiful. So, likes are just a kind of appreciation. They are willing to pay for you all their lives, love you, and protect you, tolerate you, appreciate, and accommodate you is really called LOVE.

Like is a kind of appreciation, and love is a kind of responsibility. Like is a kind of pleasing oneself, and love is pleasing to others. Love is just moving your mouth, and love is running and breaking your legs. Love is a kind of sublimation of like!

First, the literal meaning is different. Like in the encyclopaedia means “joy, rejoice, happy”, the main body is oneself, which means to like is to meet something or people that can make me happy. Love in the encyclopaedia means “the happiness of giving actively”, and the subject is the other party, which means that how to do it can make the other party happy.

Second, the distinction between subject and object. In fact, it is mentioned earlier. Like is to please oneself, and love is to please others. Like is to satisfy one’s own pleasant feelings, while love is selfless giving.

Again, the degree of difference. Like is shallow love, and love is deep like. You don’t have to think about it, just follow your heart, thinking too much can be counterproductive!

Like is not love. Do you know why? Let me make an analogy. If you love your parents, you just like your parents? This is not necessarily, it depends on your definition.

“Love” can be selfless, what happens to “like”? “Like” can also mean that you have a good feeling, that is, if you have a good feeling for a man or woman, you can also say that you “like” him, but “love” is not. It’s the upgrade of “like”, and only when you like it, there will be love. It can be said that this is different.

I think like is the predecessor of love, and only when there is like, there is love. They are inseparable from each other. Just like the chicken or the egg came first, whichever one makes sense, the same goes for “like” and “love.”

Although both like and love are produced in the same process, there are still obvious differences between them. For example; when you do something for a person you like, you want her to see and know that you did it for her. And when you love to do something for a loved one, you do it silently, without asking for any reason, because love does not require any reason.

“Like” is like a little grass. Looking at that charming little grass every day, you can’t put it down. Water it all the time and give it plenty of sunshine for fear that it will wither away. When the grass grows up, you will find that you have become accustomed to it, you can’t do without it, and you always want to have it. Once you lose it you will inexplicably hurt, this is “love”.

Without likes, there will be no true love. Direct love, it’s not love, it’s just love formed by trading. Without love, there can be many likes, until you are tired, hated, and disinterested, maybe you don’t like it anymore.

It’s easy to like, but it’s hard to love. Some people like many people in their life, but they can’t get true love. Therefore, Xu Zhi Mo said: I will look for the most precious things in my life that can be known with my soul-mate, career, belief, pursuit, etc. If I pursue it, it is my honor; if I don’t pursue it, it is also my destiny.

Many people can’t distinguish what is like and what is love. Simply put, likes don’t need to be considered too much, and likes can be changed at any time. For example: I can like you today, and I can like her tomorrow. However, love is different. “Love” is restrained. Love is not a matter of one or two days but is permanent.

For example, when you like someone, you often inadvertently try various ways to attract the attention of the opposite sex and let him/her pay attention to you. Like is only a one-sided consideration. Generally speaking, it is not comprehensive, let alone the relationship between the two people from the perspective of the other person. Just thinking about how you treat him/her well. And love, will always help each other silently behind his back. He or she is happy or sad because of his/her emotions, so if you love the other person deeply, then every move of him/her will attract your attention.

Generally speaking, it is just verbal talk, and no actual action is taken. The time for liking someone is short, and will disappear with the passing of time. Loving someone is more than just verbal talk. He/she is full of my mind. Sometimes I can’t help but the urge to find her, contact him immediately, or come to him right away. It’s not just verbal talk.

Like a person, just enjoy the good time now, never caring about what life will be in the future. This is not the case with love. Loving someone will always consider for their future and plan the future lives of the two people.

Personally feel: “Like” is like you are fond of a good apple and want to eat it; “Love” is like you have finished eating the apple you like, carefully planting the seeds in the ground, and carefully caring for it to sprout. Grow into apple trees, cultivate and manage them with all their heart, until the fruit trees are full of apples again, and apples are loved by people…

Love is giving, sincere care and tolerance, do not ask for any return, just hope that the other party is joy and happy.

Like is possession, just want to ask for the companionship of the other party, think that if you pay, you must be rewarded, and if you don’t get any return, you will be preoccupied. These are two different concepts. Like is to pay and want some return, and love is to feel happy when you suffer!

Like is to see your advantages, love is to accommodate your shortcomings, like is to change you in the way he likes, love is that you can be yourself with peace of mind. Truly love a person, after being separated, you will miss it from the bottom of your heart, and you will fall into it when you meet…

Love is a feeling, shallow, temporary; love is a responsibility, deep, eternal.

Love is a lifelong thing, both emotional things, and rational things. Almost all love is long-term, almost always a lifetime thing. But likes are often short-term, although they also think rationally, but most of the time, emotional things seem to dominate, likes can be casual, but the word love often cannot be easily said.

The difference between liking and loving is that you will like a lot of people,and you can do it to like a lot of people. There are not many people you love in your heart for a lifetime, and it is difficult to love and like a person for a lifetime.

Like is the first sight, love is forever;

Like is not hate, love is hate and cannot be separated;

Like is to fall in love with strengths, and love is to live with weaknesses;

Like to want to have sex with you, to love to want to cook with you;

Love is fearless, you hold her hand and firmly believe that you can always be together forever.

Love is about gains and losses. After meeting her, your superiority and pride disappear without a trace, and you live without dignity. You are often worried and afraid of her leaving, because you can’t imagine what to do if she is missing in the future.

  • Like is the cause, love is the result.
  • Like is happiness and love is suffering. Only in this way will it be unforgettable and unforgettable.
  • Love is the starting point, love is the end, from the beginning to the end is the completion.
  • Love is unlimited giving? Don’t ask for anything in return. Like can be pursuit.

Most of the times, people with good looks like beautiful and handsome ones. Everyone possesses a heart to appreciate what is beautiful. As for love, it is through communication, chatting and socializing, that you can feel the feeling of heart trembling, toss, and turn, and it is difficult to fall asleep. Sometimes a very beautiful girl comes up with jokes or curses as soon as she opens her mouth, and the best image will collapse in an instant. Therefore, love and liking are a progressive relationship. If there is no liking, then there is no love, if you love it then it must be liked.

Of course, there is also love at first sight. The so-called “There is a maiden fair, whom a young man is wooing.” Falling in love is like playing a game called “fighting the landlord”. If you like him, you are willing to show him your biggest card, because you want to show him the best. If you love him, you are willing to show him all the small cards and hole cards, and if he sees your small cards and is willing to lose to you, then he loves you!

However, love can be divided into two types: one is affectionate love: love and affection, one is the love of men and women: love. Therefore, family love is “like + habit”. The love of men and women is “like + hormones”.

Hehe, general engineering thinking likes to formulate complex descriptions. The above can be regarded as formulas.

Like it, no matter how much you love it, it’s nothing more than shocking eyes and lips, delighting, emotional, and emotional! Love is drunk with eyes and lips.

There is a connection between liking and love, and love must first have liking to lay the foundation. If there is no liking, there can be no love in the heart. It can only be deceived. Conspiracy, exchange of material desires, deduce likes and loves to fake sentiments, pretend to be, and play tricks. It is worthy of vigilance, improve the ability of discrimination, and beware of scams.

The difference between like and love is that like is the enthusiasm of love. Love is produced through the fermentation of warm soil. Love has desires. Like does not necessarily mean love. Love must have like. This is the difference, love is no doubt, love is loyal, behaves seriously, is sincere. Like is satisfied, the mood is optimistic about deliberateness, expressing happiness and not disgusting, appreciate the deeds, with the heart, accept quickly and easily give up. Love is heartfelt and warm, licking the heart, seeing blood stains, being affectionate, it is the palliative disease. Once you fall in love, you will not pull yourself away, it is difficult to give up, blast the fire, the passion is surging, the blood just fills the pulse, love does not Lazy.

Like generally pays attention to the outer surface, “at first sight” is casual and wilful; while love pays more attention to the deep inner exchange of ideas, “love is forever” is tolerance, dedication, and selfless giving. Not asking for anything in return. If there is no result if you like someone, you will not feel heartache, but if you love someone with no result, you will feel heartache. To endure the pain is to say the feeling of love, just like cutting out the heart.

Like is like, love is love, the pronunciation and writing of the two are different. Regarding the difference between like and love, some netizens have summed up a sharp response from God:

  1. To like is to take medicine, to love is to take a condom.
  2. I like to miss you, but love can’t help but fall on you.
  3. To like is to sleep with her for a while, to love is to sleep with her for a lifetime.
  4. To like is to untie your clothes, what goes is the kidney, love is to dispel your style, what goes is the heart.
  5. Like wants to take you to bed and have sex with you, love wants to take you home to see your parents.

There is one kind of emotion in the world called “like”, and the other kind is called “love”. Like and love are two different concepts.

Like:

Refers to a person who has a good opinion of another person and is willing to associate with him or her. There are older people who like younger generations, including children and peers. There are young people who like their seniors, including outsiders, to say hello when they meet, or are willing to help him or her, without giving back.

Love:

Generally refers to the emotion between the two sexes. Regardless of long-term liking or short-term liking, love must go through the process of liking. Only by liking a person can you have a deeper relationship with him and her, deepen mutual understanding, and develop from friendship in the process of getting along. To like, from like to love. It’s just that some of this kind of love is that one side admires the other, and some loves each other.

I think that liking and love are not only related to the relationship between the two of us, but may also be related to our age.

When I was in high school, there was a boy who I liked very much. At that time, I wanted to see him every day after class. I was very happy to see him. During the summer vacation, I called every day at home. I met when I was free. I wrote letters when I didn’t see him. Write a love poem to him, full of joy. That’s it, I didn’t think about anything else, I didn’t hold hands or kiss, but this time of love is strong.

Without knowledge, let me just talk about my opinions. I think there must be love between relatives, and most of them like it between male and female friends!

Let me give you an example. When talking about a girlfriend, I only hope that she is her own. No one can get her. She belongs to her. I want to be together every day. I like it very much! But after getting married, she is no longer a girlfriend, a wife, or a relative! It feels different. You can give your life and everything for her. When she marries someone else can be happier, it can make her live a better life. This is love!

Sometimes when I think about it, what should I do if I suddenly got cancer? Will distribute the few assets to his wife and elder brother, why do you want to give it to your elder brother? I definitely hope that he will do my share of filial piety for me. I have no chance. Then the divorce asked her to find a good-tempered husband. This is love! Rather than the kind of like that I wanted to selfishly own when I was young! Like is possessed! Love is dedication!

Is love a combination of like and appreciation?

Love is a combination of liking and appreciation. I agree with this point of view, and I think it is a more rational and perfect love. However, what I want to say is that I like the combination of liking and appreciation. Once loved, like is shallow, love is affectionate like. This sentence not only expresses the like and love, but also the difference between love and liking.

Appreciate, sometimes, or most of the time. It’s just an expression of love, not love. Believe, understand, and tolerate each other. Love is the mutual support of two people and the mutual respect and mutual respect.

What my understanding of love may be, but I only know that I can really be lucky enough to meet the person I love and love me, I will love it, care it, and cherish it! Having said so much, I believe you should understand the difference between like and love!